Hey Shawn Marion - Michael J. Fox Called, He Wants His Jumper Back...

Who can forget the memorable role that Michael J. Fox played in "Teen Wolf"? That's right, no one. Who can forget how terrible he looked when he attempted to shoot and dribble the basketball? No one. Just like Charlie Sheen trying to throw a baseball in "Major League" there have been many an actor that has taken an athletic role and not done all that well.

Now, picture Mr. Fox playing basketball. It looks bad, really bad. That is because he is really bad. But, what if - just what if Mr. Fox were to put on a brand new pair of MJ IV's? He might not even have needed to turn into a werewolf to dominate the court. Just the act of him putting on those shoes could have propelled his game to new heights. He could have, in all reality become Michael J. Jordan.

Or not.

He probably would continue to look as foolish as he did. The shoes probably would not improve his jumper, his ball handling skills, or his overall basketball aura. I am, however, positive that those shoes would have given him a boost in one two key aspects. 1 - He would look like a BDass, and 2 - He would know that he looked like a BDass.

Now, what the heck does that matter?

Well, my fellow U.S. Americans not of the Iraq therefore such as, you all can call me Tiger from now on. That's right. Thanks to my new favorite President of the United States (George W.), I will be sporting a Nike Sumo Square Head Driver (8.5 degree) from now on. Will it cut 20 strokes off my game? Will I hit every fairway off the tee box? Will my swing be perfect? The answer to these questions is... No, Guaranteed. But, I will look pretty good pulling that bad boy out of my bag until I swing it.

I am actually pretty pumped to give it a whirl. I swung it a few times today at a few different stores before I pulled the trigger and bought it. Just consider this your warning: beat downs were included with the purchase. I will start distributing them tomorrow... hopefully.

Some of you may think that I was foolish to just throw money that I didn't earn away for a golf club - let me just say shame on you. I am only trying to fulfill my duty as a citizen of this great country. The economy needs a boost - and as long as I get money for nothing - I will spend some. Believe it. Don't worry mother, some is going into savings, sheesh.

Fresh as a Daisy...

You all might wonder what in the world this is. No, Tyler does not have severe diarrhea while potting training using Tupperware. Let me explain...

You may have all read that I was going to the range to 'tighten up' my swing. I had a couple theories that I though might give me that extra boost that I need. I thought that I could go and try a couple things out and add some distance and maybe even straighten out my shot. Unfortunately, I was wrong. After testing out my theory, I found out that pretty much no matter what I do, I am not Tiger Woods, no, I am not even Ranger Rick.

So, I came home and decided that I needed to rekindle the friendship that I once had with my clubs. You might even say I had a PGCI (personal golf club interview) with each individual club. I taught them about the game of golf - what was supposed to happen, some of the commandments that they needed to follow, and the joy that could be felt when achieving a birdie. They were golden investigators, and they all decided to change their ways, become converted to good golf, and be washed and cleaned in my kitchen. Thus, we see the filth and the sin that was washed from them into the Tupperware of hot, soapy water.

Now, I just have to talk to my swing.

Calling All Clones...

As all of you should know, this Friday is a very important day. As is customary every year, the smack-off is coming to a radio near you. It is this Friday. 10:00-1:00 mountain standard time. You may tune in on either AM 1280 or AM 700 here in the valley. "I have to work" is no excuse. As Rome suggests - start coughing around the boss tomorrow - kick it up a notch on Thursday with the 'feeling sick', and then BAM - call in sick Friday and plan around it. Check for the affiliate near you at jimrome.com if you need to. For those of you who don't know - it will be awesome. For more info, listen to this, or check it out at the previous address.

A few side notes -

This post will now push the infamous "Spicy Buns" post off of my blog. Can't say I haven't been looking for an excuse to get rid of that thing.

Took my final today - I am done, and happy. Not a coincidence.

Ate at Bajio today as well. Had the Mexican Pizza. The flauta still reigns supreme. Followed by the stuffed quesadilla, pizza, and then the burrito/chimi. Sorry Ri-too pansy to eat the best Bajio. Also - new Bajio in AF. The theory holds true - new Bajios pile on the fixins. So good.

Called out of retirement...

Yes, it's true. My mad flag football skills have paid off once more. How? Well, let me tell you. Monday I was driving around (working) when I got a call from a long lost friend. Let's call him Nick. You all know him. Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that his flag football team was in the tourney and that they needed my help. He said he was going on vacation and that I should take his spot. After much discussion, I agreed.

Fast forward to tonight. I get to the field and receive the "prodigal son has returned" and the "look who came out of retirement" and everything else I was expecting. After last nights debacle - their minor jabs were nothing.

So I ask, "how have you guys done against the teams we are playing?" They went 1-1 and 0-2. The first team - you may know them as 'game over' - you remember the Paris Hilton rat wannabe dog that I blogged about so long ago - yep... it was there. Too bad we handed it to them. Once again, game over for game over. They were actually pretty cool this time, though.

OK, back to the important stuff. We end up winning the championship. Yes, I know. The team that served 2 consecutive beat downs to my previous team was overtaken in a barn burner.

Now, I would just like to point something out here. The combined record against these 2 teams during the regular season was 1-3. With me there, it was 2-0. Now I don't want to give myself too much credit, but can you say X factor? That's what I thought. Don't worry about how Alan is a freaking stud and Peer bone is crazy good. I accept full credit for the win. My 0 sacks, 0 receptions, 0 touchdowns, 0 yards, and 0 knockdown definitely pushed the team on to victory (for the record I did have a number of tackles and some hurries resulting in incomplete passes).

Oh, and by the way - can anybody see anything wrong with the above picture? A 55 yard line? Since when has there EVER been a 55 yard line? And how can that apostasy be on the cover of a play book? "OK Billy, here's what you are going to do: run a post to the 55 yard line - I'll get you the ball." How is that going to work?