Let me take you back in time... the year was 2004 (I think) when I was young and unafraid (name that quote) anyway, it was winter and I decided that I needed some snow pants. I would get a decent pair that would last me for a while because I wouldn't use them that much anyway - maybe skiing and once or twice more every winter... I buy some. I nice gray pair.
Fast forward... Tyler is born and we become a little family. I discontinue all extra-house activities that involves running or even walking quickly... I gain like 30 pounds in 5 months. Wow.
Back to the present. I am planning on going skiing tomorrow. I pull out my trusty snow pants when Ashley so tactfully says "I hope they still fit." Oh my goodness. I hadn't even thought of that. I am way fatter than I was 3 years ago. I haven't worn these for like 2 years...
Moment of truth arrives as I try them on... I put one leg in and then the other. They are already getting tight. In a panic I suck in my bowl full of jelly and any other adipose tissue I can. One more big inhale as I zip them up... I think - 'Ok, I can at least zip them up, maybe with like 3 belts I can...' I then proceed to the dual buttons. Snap - one down, one to go. And snap. "Yes!" I exclaim as it occurs to me that the pants will not burst at the seams tomorrow as I am skiing down the hill.
I relax - Snap! Oh man. This is bad. I re-button the buttons and slowly exhale.... the pressure is on... the stay buttoned. I take a few steps... still together. Ok, I can use them. I will just use some sort of belt just in case. I look down and see my gut exploding over the top of my pants. Wow. That is so hot right now. Hansel is jealous of me. I guess I won't be tucking my shirt in tomorrow. I am sure I will have fun though.
Plus, whenever I get hungry, I can just look down at my muffin top and lose my appetite. Kinda like you all just did.
15 comments:
Welcome to the muffin top club sweetie!
Let me just say, thank heaven I'm not the only one! Have fun skiing tomorrow! Good luck with the pants!
I personally think that you should wear nothing but underarmour pants and tuck in your shirt. That would be awesome as you went down the hill looking like either some pro wannabe ski bum or like chris farley on that saturday night live with patrick swayze trying out for chippendales. either way you win. Is a muffin top any way corrolated with the daily consumption of Mexicana food from Bajio's? How do you say "muffin" in spanish? Let me answer that for you, it is truthfully "panecillo" pahn-eh-see-oh. Wow, sounds like Pannus to me. How Awesome is that?
By the way, your description of your gut "exploding" out of your pants, halarious! My gut still hurts from Catie and I laughing.
Trivia question moment. Casey says, "Do these ski pants make me look fat?" T-Slober responds,"No, your face does!" stunned silence...T-slobber says, "I think that's the Formula talking"
Wow, chalk that diss up to Cate, now an honorary member of KDISS, Hub, a response?
True story....prior to me reading this blog post I went down to your moms this morning to pick up dad...I saw the ski crew there, and C-Hub was walking around. I noticed his pants were a little snug, but out of respect for him as a brother I did not say anything...A few hours later I come home, check the blog, and burst into histerical laughter, as I had a perspective of this unbeknownst (?) to him. I nearly commented on it....I guess it was better that I read the blog before doing so anyway...I loved the picture that followed the actual muffin...hilarious. I seem to agree with Peyton Manning when he says about losing weight "Let's be honest, if you are over the age of 23, or if you are NOT a professional athlete, its probably not gonna happen. If I were you, I would just buy some bigger shirts".
I also enjoyed that commercial thoroughly as I made Catie watch it twice. I also love the minivan one, "I know youre bummed about the minivan, but at least tell me you have a killer turbo hot rod minivan....no?, well here's what you do, you go buy a killer decal like the number 18 and there you go."
True...so good, by the way C-Hub. I cannot look at that picture on this post without laughing out loud. Perfect.
What Tikes failed to notice this morning was the fact that the zipper on my pants was not zipped. I wore a long shirt in order to cover my crotch. That is true. I didn't zip and snap those bad boys until I put my skis on at Alta. I had to zip up there because you can't expose that part of your anatomy to the snow. Surely that would cause instant hypothermia.
And Catie, it is not the formula talking - T-slob's eyes work.
For all of you that didn't know, Casey and I used the buddy system on all but 1 run yesterday. I saw the pants all day long. Casey failed to mention how he checked/fixed his crotch every 15 minutes or so to make sure that they were still intact (or as casey called it... fiddaling with his crotch). Props on the belt idea casey. I think that saved your bacon. To save myself from this happening to me I went and got some new pants that were an extra large. Give me like 2 years, and you will see this same story on my blog, the day before we go. war skiing. unwar tight pants that restrict mobility, and blood flow.
Also, I have never heard the "muffin top" statement before yesterday, but immediatly upon hearing it, I knew it's meaning. Very fitting word Casey. E#. As for the picture. Yes, this is an example of someone abusing the "muffin top"
I laughed till I cried...so funny, the post and the comments. Casey, if you lay down on the bed you can snap and/or zip a little easier.
So funny Casey!! All I did was laugh the whole time I was reading that and looking at that awesome picture!
Ive never thought of it as a muffin top before but that is perfect!!
I'm still laughing! " muffin Top"
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