My fellow Americans,
I post today about the latest and possibly greatest global threat out there. What could that be, you ask? I will tell you one thing that is NOT a threat - global warming. Global warming doesn't even exist, but that will have to wait. The real threat is called corneal warming.
It all started yesterday. I was in Delta doing some work as the sun beat down relentlessly. I think the temp. got up to like 88 degrees. I know - but wait - it gets worse... after I was done with the work that had to be done (finish your chores and then you can play), I found it appropriate to test out the local golf course. For those of you who are wondering - it was not wonderful (don't believe what you read online, 'some of the best fairways and greens in the state' my butt). Anyway, the sun continued to beat down. I then headed home and found it appropriate to hit the links again. This time at Gladis and Stanley's. The back 9. It was sweet, but not really cold. After that, I played in 2 softball games. Of course we won both. So, it was a pretty awesome day. By the way - after all that - my wife still loves me, I asked her.
So by the end of the day I felt as if the sun had personally picked me to torment and torture. Rays of the sun, which usually heat the entire planet were focused solely on me, and in particular, my corneas. I got home and asked Ash if she would perform minor ophthalmic surgery on my left eye. I had a trifecta of problems. 1- corneal warming had burned my eyeballs. 2- I had an inverted eyelash. 3- light colored eyes (blue) are more sensitive to light. Although I have a built in brim on my skull (Ri-bone knows what I mean - the protruding brow) it's not quite enough to shield my eyes. So my eyes are already preheated to the point that I am worried that my aqueous humor is about to boil, melt away my corneas from the inside, ooze down my face, and scar me for life. On top of that I have this pesky inverted eyelash that is scraping off layer by layer of sclera.
Thanks to Ash, I made it through the night to see another day. I then decided that it was time to fight back in the war of corneal warming. How much was I willing to sacrifice? What is the price that I was willing to pay to protect myself and my eyes from this epidemic? $5.38 at Wal-mart. 100% UV protection never looked, or felt so good.
Note: Those of you living in Arizona, New Mexico, or other states in which the temp is already 115 and above - you may want to wear you shades inside. You will get double the protection and you will be freaking hard at the same time.
Note 2: I payed $5.38 for my shades - what is the difference between the plastic on my sunglasses and the plastic on sunglasses that cost like 100-200 bones? I don't get it...
11 comments:
although aqueous humor is important for the hydration and suspension of the lens, it also shares its compositional structure with cerebrospinal fluid which suspends the brain and spinal cord. Its production, which occurs in the choroid plexus of the brain, is more than adequate at at least 300 mililiters a day. So, not to discount your story, but it might be slightly more devastating to your opthalmic integrity to lose vitreous humor, that is gelatenous and not as easily replaced if at all. I do feel for you at a blistering 88 degrees though. thats kind of hot I guess.
Dear Hub...
You are right The golf course in Delta sucks. Delta is known for cheese curds, beef jerky, softball tournys, and jack Rabbits. I am glad that you got some shades at Wally World, hopefully they will help. Also I admire your wife because she letts you do all kinds of activities and still loves you. Man Ashley Rocks... What did T-man say?
I think Dr. P corrected you...but I am not sure. You lost me at choroid plexus....
By the way...welcome back to the blungle....how was purgatory?
You know, it's not all it is cracked up to be...
Dr. - as for the heat: do you set your A/C to kick on around 90 degrees? because I am thinking that compared to the 115 outside, 90 is nice and cool. About the vit humor - you are right, I just didn't know the boiling point of the two humors and their origins... I stand corrected.
I think this picture could have been used for me too as I didn't believe my eyes when I saw that you updated. About the "built in brim" which I do know about as I also have been genetically blessed with. It's official term is the "Neanderthol Brow". Have you seen the geico caveman? Yeah, he borrowed my eyebrows
At the rate you lose sunglasses sweetie I'm glad you're content with $5 shades.
Oh and thanks for the recognition T-Max-- Casey & I each look forward to the occasional "time away from Tyler" outings so it's not to hard to let him go & do things, I know I'll get my turn.
Casey, you could always just ask Troy for a pair of free UV ray blockers at work. I'll get you some if you don't dare ask.
I got some and lost them. I figured I would give it a couple weeks before I asked again. Thanks though.
Dear Mr. Hub,
I would just like to personally thank you for your blog. After a long and grump-filled fast sunday, it's nice to be able to kick back and enjoy some very funny stories.
Sincerely,
Amy Newby
Casey...
I think I am going to buy you some flip up baseball shades with some eye black. I am much to worried about your blue eyes getting bleached by the sun. Think about how sweet you would look driving around in the company owned vehicles. I could even get you some seeds and a spitting cup. It would be like old times minus the M80's.
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