Top Of The Muffin... To You!

Let me take you back in time... the year was 2004 (I think) when I was young and unafraid (name that quote) anyway, it was winter and I decided that I needed some snow pants. I would get a decent pair that would last me for a while because I wouldn't use them that much anyway - maybe skiing and once or twice more every winter... I buy some. I nice gray pair.

Fast forward... Tyler is born and we become a little family. I discontinue all extra-house activities that involves running or even walking quickly... I gain like 30 pounds in 5 months. Wow.

Back to the present. I am planning on going skiing tomorrow. I pull out my trusty snow pants when Ashley so tactfully says "I hope they still fit." Oh my goodness. I hadn't even thought of that. I am way fatter than I was 3 years ago. I haven't worn these for like 2 years...

Moment of truth arrives as I try them on... I put one leg in and then the other. They are already getting tight. In a panic I suck in my bowl full of jelly and any other adipose tissue I can. One more big inhale as I zip them up... I think - 'Ok, I can at least zip them up, maybe with like 3 belts I can...' I then proceed to the dual buttons. Snap - one down, one to go. And snap. "Yes!" I exclaim as it occurs to me that the pants will not burst at the seams tomorrow as I am skiing down the hill.

I relax - Snap! Oh man. This is bad. I re-button the buttons and slowly exhale.... the pressure is on... the stay buttoned. I take a few steps... still together. Ok, I can use them. I will just use some sort of belt just in case. I look down and see my gut exploding over the top of my pants. Wow. That is so hot right now. Hansel is jealous of me. I guess I won't be tucking my shirt in tomorrow. I am sure I will have fun though.

Plus, whenever I get hungry, I can just look down at my muffin top and lose my appetite. Kinda like you all just did.

World's Best Board Game?

So some friends called up last night, "We have been sitting around wrapping presents and watching movies. We are bored, and by the way, when was the last time you played Monopoly?" I reply, "Come on over and get your beat down." So they show up, we turn off an SNL Holiday special after watching Adam Sandler perform the Channucah song and turn on the Jazz game and head to the table.

Long story short - Ashley was the first to go. A series of bad luck with the dice and taking care of Tyler turned her in. A valiant effort.

Next to go was Brittany (not Spears - if she were to show up I would punch her in the kidney). This Brit is very nice. Anyway, she held out as long as she could with no monopolies and no buildings. It is no wonder she did not win. She didn't want to make any deals. She eventually landed on my NC avenue with 4 houses - $1100 bones, please. That was it.

Now it was down to Marshall and I. He owned the stretch of property from jail to free parking while I owned the home stretch. Yep, the most expensive - including both park place and boardwalk. It was a battle heretofore unheard of. Just he and I went back and forth 4 times. He had all the money and I none, then he lands on one of my properties, I get the money, then land on his, and so on...

The entire game lasted roughly 4 and a half hours. Who came out victorious you ask? Of course, yours truly. Mr. money bags himself. Me. I wish it translated to reality because I could use some of that money and know how. Anyway. Monopoly is awesome. I like boardgames, and I vote that they be played on a more regular basis. Maybe weekly.

I know that team awesome has played Monopoly before, but I don't ever recall being able to finish a game before Mom and some others had had enough of the yelling. I say it's just part of the game. Believe it.

Feelin' Good.

That's right. I am done. FYI - I passed. I will not have to go back to Labor and Delivery, as long as my beloved wife isn't there - and that won't be for a while, no, we haven't even talked about it - geez, people. Anyway, you all know of the joy I feel and will feel for the next 3 weeks. I will now revert back to working, checking blogs, and playing a couple computer games. Pretty much same old deal. Except now there won't be any late nights writing papers that I have put off for 3 weeks. I keep telling myself that I will stop procrastinating.... starting next semester....

Another First...

OK, so my posting attendance has been awful this week. I was going to post on Wednesday, but didn't. I will save you from my whining about class - suffice it to say that I am done with my clinicals and just have my final on Monday. I need to get a 74% or above on the final to pass, so wish me luck.

One thing I will say is that I had another big first my last day at clinical. No, this has nothing to do with urine or fecal matter, sorry guys. It's all about the blood. I started my first IV in the ER on Tuesday. It was pretty sweet. I was 3 for 6 at the end of the day. That may not sound all that awesome, but it is. Poking people with needles and taping them to their arms is pretty sweet. That is why in celebration of the highlight of the semester I went and bought this Male Nurse Action Figure. You are all jealous. I didn't really buy it, that would be gay; but it really was pretty sweet to actually do something other than change a bed.

So, two more days until I receive three weeks of academic freedom.

War people with ropes for veins.

War the nurse that let me practice IVs on her - 3 pokes... she is awesome.

War a mere 16 days until Christmas.

Ah, Yes. The Christmas Pic...

There are a lot of wonderful Christmas traditions out there. Unfortunately, not everything in December is awesome. I last posted on driving on ice during a blizzard. Snow is awesome except when it is on the road. Anyway, let me tell you about another (sarcasm inserted here) wonderful Christmas tradition: the Christmas Pic.

No doubt it will happen to you, too. Either by need for a card or by your lovely wife's demand, you will have a "Christmas" pic taken. My family has already had this taken - I hope. We put the annual picture on a card and send it to all of you. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind having a quick picture taken, but it can get ugly, especially with me in the pic. So if the picture that we have already taken doesn't work this year, don't be surprised to get a picture like the one above from us saying "Merry Christmas from Team Zander". Even though these people are obviously not us. I just don't know how many photo shoots I can do in one month. I don't know why they adopted Fez for the picture or why they think it is funny that they are all closing their eyes. There are some weirdos out there. Ri-Hunter, I may have a job for you involving 7 people. Your future weapon will not harm them too badly, right?

P.S. I have a beautiful and very patient wife and my son is a natural born chick magnet and superstar when the cameras come out, so it is me that ruins the pics - mostly by my over the top positive attitude. Also... big thanks to Tikes for lending this family his Christmas sweaters. I didn't know you had that many.

Disclaimer: My hatred toward getting a Christmas pic taken may be slightly exaggerated for the purpose of this post.

Slipping and Sliding Out of Death's Grasp...

It snowed yesterday. Snow is usually awesome. Snow is awesome when you are in your yard playing. It is awesome when you have a couple flat poles hooked onto your feet or a big tube under your butt and you are flying down a hill. Snow is not awesome when it tries to kill you. Luckily for me, I have wicked, nay, I have nigh super-human driving skills (practice your doughnuts, kiddies). Now, I just had to tell you all about my yestermorn.

Friday afternoon I decided that I would work on Sat. morning. I thought that since I sleep in and laze around the entire morning accomplishing nothing, it would be a good idea to get some hours in. I wake up around 6:30, get showered, ready to roll, put on my winter coat and walk outside. Sweet! I exclaim in my head as I see 5 inches of white awesomeness covering everything. So I start up the tank of an accent I have and race off into the blizzard. I get to work ok. Average speed on the freeway: 45. I thought that was pretty good. At work I get in a rear wheel drive blazer and take off toward south east Provo - all the condos and duplexes on the hill. I didn't even see it coming. Most of the 6 hour work day was uneventful. I did almost slide into parked cars twice. I did slide into about 6 curbs.

The highlight (or scariest thing that happened) came as I was driving down a hill toward the highway. For that one moment I had lost focus and realized too late that I was going a bit fast. On that hill 3 mph was too fast. Anyway, I am sliding down this hill, I try to slow down - denied. I try to turn into someone's driveway or even yard - denied. So sure enough I go sliding onto the highway. Seriously scary. Fortunately I was not T-Boned, but got enough grip as I passed through the 2 north bound lanes to turn into the turning lane and avoid getting hit by anyone in the south bound lanes.

Later that evening we went to visit Marshall and his wife in Spanish Fork. On our way home I had to pass through the mists of darkness going like 10 mph. We could only see for like 15 feet. It was pretty weird. That is what you get for taking the road that passes by the old factory out there. Anyway... point of the post is mostly for Keely and Kaitlyn. Take the car - go practice your doughnuts, but don't get caught. Tell Mom that Dad said it was OK. He did tell our driver's ed class that it was a good idea. It is all to avoid looking like the car below.