The Adventures of Nursing... or not.

So I am back today to speak of another first. Yes, this story is gross, and this story includes poo. Apparently I am like a magnet for disgusting poo stories. Let us begin...

My shift has barely begun, my student and I are just finishing up on charting an assessment when the call light rings. I answer: Can I help you? Response: Yes, we just need some help in the bathroom. "We'll be right there."

At this point I think calmly to myself, no problem. I can help this guy get off of the pot and back into bed. Even though this is not my patient. I am a nice guy like that. Big mistake.

I walk in to find the pt in the bathroom in the fetal position. This poor man has had a stroke in the past, rendering his left side basically worthless. This means that, as he is laying on his left side, he will needed to be lifted up as dead weight. Oh, and did I mention, there is poo EVERYWHERE. I'm talking floor, toilet seat, patient, tub, you name it.

I hop over the patient into the bathroom, slap some gloves on and, along with some help from a student (what a wonderful experience for her), lift this guy off of the floor onto the toilet seat so that we might begin the clean up process. It is times like these that I would rather be selling pest control solution for my friend in Virginia. See Pest Control VA for more details.

We get the patient onto the toilet and I look down to assess the damage. I see a pool of poo. I also see, to my horror, a large smear of his poo on my left leg. Yes, I have now been pooped on. Wow. I changed scrubs there and my soiled scrubs have since been detoxified. It took about 45 minutes to get all of the poo cleaned up from the bathroom and off of this guy.

So, those of you that are thinking, much like I did, that if you become a nurse you won't have to bother with crap like this, well...

Believe It!

Yes, you are jealous of me. I have been golfing. I snuck in a quick 9 before work. How did I celebrate this momentous occasion? Pre-round I made a trip to my favorite store... Uinta Golf. There I purchased my 2009 UGA Pass and an Odyssey White Steel 2 Ball SRT Putter. Believe it. My wife is already in panic mode as my addiction to golf and buying golf accessories has not subsided, but increased in my absence of playing the game.

The putter is great, by the way, especially if you remember the story of what happened to my first one. Needless to say, I won't be using this for anything but putting.

Why I Became a Nurse...

There is a first time for everything, as they say. Well, today I will not give you details of one of the tasks that are sometimes assigned to nurses. I will just tell you the name of one - Digital Stool Removal. Awesome? Not even close. Let the dry heaves begin. You're welcome.

I remember my login...

It has been a while, I know. However I will not sit here and write how I have changed my ways and how I vow to be more consistent. I don't. On the other hand, I don't know if it can get worse. Anyway... on to the life altering event that has driven my out of the dust to actually post.

I lifted today. Weights. And for the record Ri-Bone smoked me. After having seen everyone, including your mom leaving me in the dust, I thought it about time. I ran a mile this morning, and chased it with a workout of approximately 35 minutes.

I was feeling pretty good until my second set of our first station. By the end of the half hour I felt like I was going to puke. We finished lifting and I had to sit down and rest. I got up after my long rest just outside the gym and walked about 15 feet toward the exit. After those long, arduous 15 feet, I had to take another break. It was pathetic, but it gets worse.

I get home, where my bowels go wild after experiencing what must have seemed to them an earthquake (especially after downing a pack of seeds the day previous). I plan on showering, but still feel like I might puke. I finally get into the shower and find I barely have the strength to lift my hands to wash my hair.

I now realize, again, why I don't workout. I guess it's easier if you do it more than once every 5 years, but we'll see. I have thought about making some sort of worksheet that compares that number of times I workout to the number of posts I write. Should be a barn burner.