Yes, I am being recruited. Neither Bronco nor K-Witt have come to my house and said, “You are old and fat, but we want you to play football for us.” No secret agents from Tikes’ dreams have asked me to leave my old life behind and serve my country as a CIA operative. This time there was no trade show exhibits convention to recruit me to a school. This recruitment is for less stressful.
I am a nursing student and as such, many people want my services in the future. This is why I am being recruited. Now, the decision on where I work comes down to more than just how much money I will make, or where I will actually be working. I am far shallower than that. That is why Mt. View Hospital has unofficially become my next home away from home.
Some representatives from Mt. View have recently visited our nursing class and bribed me with such extravagant gifts as chap stick, carabiners, pens, and the best yet – muffins and juice. Yes, they had me when they handed me my free super cheap carabiner. It is now an essential part of my keychain.
The representatives from the hospital talked to everyone in the class, but I know that it was just so that the other students wouldn’t feel bad if they had talked to me and me alone. So, I have decided to apply sometime in the recent future to begin work as an LPN at said hospital. Future details are forthcoming. Just know that I am important and I got some seriously sweet stuff and you didn’t. Oh, I almost forgot to mention their biggest bribe… 4 grand in cold hard cash over the last 4 semesters. I am contractually obligated to work for Mt. View, Timpanogas, or St. Mark’s for around a year post-graduation.
None the less, they continue to shower me with gifts and plead for my services.
Note – the U.S. Army has also recruited on 4 separate occasions. They provide pizza, but no carabiners. What does that mean? No deal... Sir.
6 comments:
I am not in the least bit ashamed of the fact that I had to look up what a caribiner was. And it is with no surprise that nurse recruiters will spend a good chunk of change getting you to come work your guts out for chump change. I'm sure your 50% pay reduction entering the field will be worth the carabiner. and for good measure, working as a dude nurse does so much for your self esteem and manhood.
Sucks to be contractually obligated to work somewhere for a year....sounds to me like you need a lawyer.
A Carabeaner!! I will now attempt to pose as a nursing student in order to hopefully get my hands on these incredible and extremly valuble objects. We'll see you in class next week.
I also hope these are the ones that dont actually work for mountain climbing and are made out of 100% plastic, and are soley for looks.
My keychain says "not load bearing". You know it is just for looks, not that I need help looking awesome or anything.
I also like them because they have everything to do with nursing. They know how to market a crowd.
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